Heartbreaking Good News -- Literally

Well, as you know, today was The Big Day. Sam and I went to the oncologist to see what she had to say. She and her staff were great -- very nice, professional and COMPASSIONATE. That, to me, was the most important thing. I need to be talked to like the worried beagle mom I am, not someone that doesn't have a clue as to what is going on with my dog.

I won't get into the particulars of what happened -- they ran a lot of tests and drew some blood. We discussed his diet and what I need to do to help him fight the cancer. Spoiled baby, he is going to be getting home-cooked meals! (And some specialty dog food.)

So, the diagnosis? Stage 3 lymphoma. The easiest cancer to treat, provided it is caught in time, which Sam's has been. That is really great news! I was super happy to hear that, along with the fact that veterinary chemotherapy is MUCH easier on the body than human. There is no hair loss and hardly any nausea. It just makes them feel better.

So, I should be delirious, right? This post should be all about how happy I am that my baby is going to live forever and be happy. I should be dancing around, screaming my joy from the rooftops, right????

See, that is the thing. Chemo is not free. It is not even close to free. And that means that Grant and I have a horrible decision to make. The treatment, at the low end, for 16 chemo sessions and all that comes with it, costs 4700.00 (before taxes). At the high end, it is 5700 (again, before taxes). So, do we spend the money and go into debt and save him for a year and a half (maybe more) or do we make what he has left the best it can be for as long as we can? I am at a loss. I just don't know what to do. I don't want him to be in pain, but I also don't know that we can afford the treatments, even at the low end of the spectrum. This is breaking my heart. I have the chance to save him, but at what cost? And if we do the chemo, how much time does that buy us? A year? Maybe more? He is 13 (14 in December) and the typical beagle lift span is only 10-15 years. So where does that leave us? What do we do? I have spent the whole day trying to figure out what I do and how I justify the decision. How can I make that choice for him? How do I know what he would want me to do?

So that is where we stand right now. Stuck between a rock and a hard place -- if ANYONE has a suggestion as to what they think, please let me know. I am too heartsick to think about it anymore tonight.