Heartbreaking Good News -- Literally

Well, as you know, today was The Big Day. Sam and I went to the oncologist to see what she had to say. She and her staff were great -- very nice, professional and COMPASSIONATE. That, to me, was the most important thing. I need to be talked to like the worried beagle mom I am, not someone that doesn't have a clue as to what is going on with my dog.

I won't get into the particulars of what happened -- they ran a lot of tests and drew some blood. We discussed his diet and what I need to do to help him fight the cancer. Spoiled baby, he is going to be getting home-cooked meals! (And some specialty dog food.)

So, the diagnosis? Stage 3 lymphoma. The easiest cancer to treat, provided it is caught in time, which Sam's has been. That is really great news! I was super happy to hear that, along with the fact that veterinary chemotherapy is MUCH easier on the body than human. There is no hair loss and hardly any nausea. It just makes them feel better.

So, I should be delirious, right? This post should be all about how happy I am that my baby is going to live forever and be happy. I should be dancing around, screaming my joy from the rooftops, right????

See, that is the thing. Chemo is not free. It is not even close to free. And that means that Grant and I have a horrible decision to make. The treatment, at the low end, for 16 chemo sessions and all that comes with it, costs 4700.00 (before taxes). At the high end, it is 5700 (again, before taxes). So, do we spend the money and go into debt and save him for a year and a half (maybe more) or do we make what he has left the best it can be for as long as we can? I am at a loss. I just don't know what to do. I don't want him to be in pain, but I also don't know that we can afford the treatments, even at the low end of the spectrum. This is breaking my heart. I have the chance to save him, but at what cost? And if we do the chemo, how much time does that buy us? A year? Maybe more? He is 13 (14 in December) and the typical beagle lift span is only 10-15 years. So where does that leave us? What do we do? I have spent the whole day trying to figure out what I do and how I justify the decision. How can I make that choice for him? How do I know what he would want me to do?

So that is where we stand right now. Stuck between a rock and a hard place -- if ANYONE has a suggestion as to what they think, please let me know. I am too heartsick to think about it anymore tonight.

Small update, but an update nonetheless

First, thank you everyone for your wonderful thoughts and prayers for Sam. I told him today how many people were pulling for him and wanting him to fight. He just wanted to know how many cookies a day having cancer gets you. Turns out, 3 plus whatever Grandma gives him during the day.

I spoke with the oncologist office today and was pretty impressed. (http://www.vetcancercare.com/) He has an appointment on Monday (August 31) for his initial exam. The receptionist was very nice, called me by name and told me what to expect. The oncologist (Dr. Kelly) will take blood, look at the X-rays and just generally do a thorough exam. We will talk about what to expect and how to approach Sam's illness. They customize treatments for each individual animal, which I think is great.

In other news, Grant and I before Sam got sick started looking for a second beagle. We started at the New Mexico Beagle Rescue (http://www.newmexicobeaglerescue.org/) and found a few we are interested in. We decided to continue with the adoption process since there are SO many beagles out there that need a home AND we know that sometimes a younger dog can give an older dog a new lease on life. Which, of course, we are hoping for. Today Grant found one at the Valencia County Shelter that looks promising. He left a message for them today and will try again tomorrow. Wish us luck!!!!!

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers -- I need all the moral support (and Valium!) I can get.

Sam .. the first of many I am sure

As I type this tonight, my beloved beagle is at my feet. Curled up on a red fleece blanked put under my desk just for him. Every night when I check my email, farm on facebook and generally peruse the wonder that is the Internet, Sam is there. Snoring away, making little beagle sleeping noises.

Sam did not start out as my dog. No, we only met a few years ago (incidentally, that coincides with me meeting Grant). Grant got Sam as a puppy and raised him to be his bird dog. According to Grant, Sam loved being a bird dog until he got a mouth infection and was forced into retirement. Which, by the way, suits him well.

I met Sam the first time I went to Grant's house and it was love at first sight. I had a beagle for about 2 days when I was 5, but she nipped me on the nose and my parents gave her away. I always wanted another one and, as luck would have it, one fell into my lap.

From then on whenever Grant came to visit, Sam would come with him. Whenever I was down visiting, I had Sam with me, much to the chagrin of his then-roommate (not a dog lover by any stretch of the imagination).

Fast forward a year or so and Grant and I are living together. Sam has become my constant companion and I am rarely without him. He sleeps in bed next to me at night and on weekends can be found riding shotgun and going through the drive-thru at McDonald's for ice cream. He is more my dog now that Grant's. Not that he minds because what makes me happy makes him happy. Sam sits in my lap every night, he was sitting in the kitchen when we got engaged. Every time I am sick, he curls up next to me and won't let me out of his sight.

We have a new house now, one with a second story. Sam, being 13, has some trouble with the stairs, but still refuses to let me out of his sight. If I go upstairs, even for a minute, he follows me. Although he is on to me now and sometimes only goes up halfway until he is sure I am going to stay awhile.

A few months ago, Sam started coughing. I noticed his glands were a little swollen so I took him to the vet. She diagnosed him with allergies and when I asked for a chest X-ray told me it was unnecessary. She noticed some growths on his belly and asked me to bring him back for a checkup. I did, and she decided he had skin cancer from sunning his belly. Totally a beagle thing. She did an X-ray, but only of his belly. She still did not think he needed one of his chest -- it was just allergies after all. She operated on him and removed a tumor from his belly, reminding me to give him his allergy pills so he didn't cough and tear his stitches.

Fast forward 10 days and we are back at the vet for stitch removal. I am still asking her to check his glands (still swollen) and his cough. Nope, allergies. I start calling her office and the staff says the same thing -- and they are rude. I started searching for a new vet as his cough got worse. Finally I found one I liked and took my darling beagle in, terrified that he had bronchitis.

As I sat in the exam room waiting for him to be X-rayed I prayed to God to let him be alright. To not be sick. I prayed as hard as I could that he would just have a cough. I tried not to think about the fact that his glands were swollen and the doctor could not hear his heart beat because his lungs were so noisy. I sat in that room for 45 minutes praying that my baby would be OK and that I had not spent too much time trying to get Dr. Park to listen to me.

Sadly, Dr. Thompson told me that Sam has cancer. Specifically, he has lymphoma. He has 8 tumors on his lymph nodes, which on dogs are in their throat. That is why he is coughing. That is why his breath was sounding labored. I asked him how this happened, how this was missed and he had nothing to tell me other than it shouldn't have been.

So now we are going to see a veterinary oncologist to see if there is anything we can do. We are not going to go to extraordinary measures for him -- we just want to keep him comfortable and happy for as long as we can.

I am heartbroken. Devastated. I can't look at him or think of him without crying. I am hoping that, writing being as therapeutic as it is for me, blogging about this will keep me sane. I am going to chronicle our journey in the hopes that it brings to light the fact that vets, even with all of their schooling, should listen to their patients. Sometimes, even a dog mother's intuition is better than all the schooling in the world.

That being said, I am going to fight for Sam and do everything I can to make him feel better. I am also going to do everything I can to make sure EVERYONE knows that Dr. Park at Sun Ranch Pet Hospital in Los Lunas does not listen to her clients, works on her own agenda, allows her staff to be rude to her clients and does not know that swollen glands and a cough are NEVER symptoms of canine allergies. I have a vendetta and I WILL do all I can to make her malpractice and lack of compassion known.